Oct 31, 2012

Ex Cop from Long Beach Gets over Ten Years for Assaulting Wife

Finally, we hear about a domestic violence case that actually rendered a verdict that was relatively on par with the crimes that were committed against this victim!

And let's remind ourselves that words like "case" and even " victim"  have a way of dehumanizing the entire realty of what has happened to our fellow human beings within these crimes, The word victim and case puts distance between the people who have found themselves either enmeshed in an abusive relationship or on the receiving end of a fatal or a one time near fatal assault, such as we read about every single day in our newspapers and view on the news.  The numbers of Victims that fall prey to dating and domestic violence are growing rather than ebbing as we imagine in the case would be in a increasingly aware society.

The "victims"  are  people like your sister, your daughter, your mother, your aunts, your friends, your neighbor, your co-workers and people that you run into throughout every- day lie.

 Victims of battering could be anyone; the nurse at your Doctors office, your Doctor herself ( statistically much greater chance (if she is a female doctor of course) your real estate agent, the cashier at your supermarket or the kind but sad seeming lady that works the counter at your corner coffee shop.

We are all around you.  We are you.

Official statistics bear out that one in four women will be the victim of partner, dating or domestic violence in their lifetime. This is the " official statistic" However anyone and everyone involved on any level with domestic and dating violence knows that these numbers are in fact much higher

.My most  modest estimate is that one in three women experiences intimate violence in one form or another at least one in her lifetime and typically more than once.  This is not some haphazard guess. It is based upon  conversations and interviews with thousands upon thousands of  women and girls as well  hundreds of exchanges with professorial;  advocates activists, those people entrusted with conducting studies involving  intimate violence/domestic violence in this country.

And when you add into the equation the fact that any women do not realize that they have been in or are in fact being abused. The percentage of women who are actually abused in this country only  becomes greater and thus more tragic.   This is true particularly with young women and girls;

Relationships was fraught with jealousy  insecurity and possessiveness  and like many young girls  mistake lower level violent incidents for intensity love or passion. Unfortunately and often tragically, the average teenage girl who is embroiled  in similar relationships also tells no one. They do not confide in others about the abuse, especially with adults. If they do share about it, it will likely be with peers or one particular friend.

These girls often feel ashamed, as if they caused the violence or the threats or the rage fueled fits.

In fact, many times, the young girls are told that they are at fault for the violence by the boy or young man that is committing the abuse or threats, and in our teenage years and even early twenty's  the maturity and awareness re abuse is not yet where we need it to be..

An example of abuse that might not be immediately recognized as such is a boyfriend or partner blocking his girlfriends exit from a room perhaps as she tries to walk away from an argument, or simply him.

This is a telltale sign of a controlling persona and the possibility of abuse is fermenting, a partner blocking that doorway -this is a man or boy already in the grips of acting out issues of power and control over women, or as the case is becoming more and more common -  teenage girls - and even pre-teens, as dating becomes more common at younger ages in this country, possibly due to social media and access to adult movies and  media in general. The fact  is becoming more and more difficult to censor our teens and tweens from television movies and  books via kindle that portray love in inaccurate and unhealthy ways inter dispersed with possessiveness jealousy and physically abusive leading men,it is no wonder our young people are unsure of what love dating and intimacy are supposed to look like.

 The "cases"  that we read about and hear about over and over every single week are comprised of physical beatings brutality and terror :Most commonly in partner violence the victim receives blows to their face and  heads - facial and head injuries are the the most common emergency room injuries for female victims of violence.   Traumatic brain injuries are a staple in the life of almost every woman who has been in an abusive relationship. Many times women aren't even aware of the symptoms that the repeated blows to her head and face have caused her or that the root of these serious symptoms are traumatic brain injury.

In domestic and intimate violence that results in murder, 62 percent die as a result of blunt force trauma to the head and or face. Another large percentage die of strangulation also known as choking.

And as the attacks including choking, blows to the face and/ or head continue, too often does injury to the vital brain,  the epicenter of our body, as well as the one organ that can truly be considered our identity, after all, our brain determines who we are.  Thus, when it is injured through attacks during partner violence, many women will experience Traumatic Brain Injuries, (once called concussions) and  anoxia  (deprivation of oxygen to the brain) anoxia  by both TBI and choking will cause permanent cell death in areas of the brain, this cell death is called ischemia and can cause many serious cognitive and central nervous system issues ..