The above link will bring you to a very good article that helps explain how and why abusive relationships happen and evolve. We often hear " why does she stay with the abuser, she must want to be abused.... right? An emphatic no is the answer to this question!
It is not true that if the victim REALLY wanted to leave, she simply would for There is an emotional and psychological breaking down of the abuse victim that typically occurs long before the physical abuse begins, And this is then only excarcerbated as a result of the physical brutalization and ithe inherent fear involved with knowing what the batterer is capable of-
And it is this cycle that keeps the victim in the grasp of her batterer.
In order to understand how this happens, we would all do well to give ourselves and our loved ones a short course on the" battered woman syndrome", a term coined by psychologist Lenore walker, a therapist who has studied thousands of battered women as well as men that batter, and has made landmark discoveries about the nature of abusive relationships as a result.
She has written several books compiling all of the information that she has gleaned thru hundreds of studies and interviews. The books are very readable, easily teaching the average person about the previously mysterious nature ofdoestic violence. Walker has changed the way that partner violence is understood and to a lesser extent, how it's handled within our criminal justice system.
There is a quote by Voltaire 'that says "Evil exists when good men do nothing" and in the case of domestic violence and violent crime in general, this sentiment is especially apt/
So much pain and suffering could be avoided if more people would simply become involved when they see or hear of abusive situations within the realm of thier daily lives. In fact If I could have one wish for the coming new year it would be for all of us to make the following pledge...
'If I suspect that someone I know is being abused or is in danger of being abused, I will report the abuse or the potentialr abuse to the appropriate authorities. I will thus avail myself of the local agencies and authorities for Domestic and partner violence, and educate myself and my(age appropriate) loved ones about the methods for safe intervention on behalf of an abused or endangered person.
All change must begin on an individual and community level Violent predators and batterers are out there and they are not going away- our complacency and our unwillingness to think about these"unpleasant things" have been their accomplice for too many years. From serial rapists and murderers to domestic batterers, these people often live among us. They are not the bogeymen of our childhood fairytalesand imaginations, in fact, they are often innocuous and unassuming in appearance, which only serves to aid and abet their predatory habits--They are more likely to be trusted because they blend in.. To see a terrible example of this in action, watch the next episode of dateline's "To catch a Predator" The would- be pedophiles that are nabbed in the midst of trying to seduce underage children for sex, are consistently average- looking men, usually middle Class to upper middle class. many are married, with children of their own, including the men who were trying to seduce very young boys.
This show only proved that predators are manipulative-and very good at playing the part of responsible "normal "people These are traits that are hallmarks of the sociopath persona -a personality disorder that is a common thread in sex criminals and Batterers.
The good news is that with a shift in awareness, we can begin to re-shape our societys attitudes surrounding this issue and we will then see a sharp decline in the violence that seems to be growing upon itself in our suburbs and our cities, in our streets and our living rooms. As the message gets carried forth that any and all violent crime will be treated the most severely no matter the relationship between assailant and victim, that it will result in a dogged pursuit of conviction and a maximum prison sentence, it will soon become more and more of a rarity. And the entire landscape of this country will change. This is my hope anway--Please do your part.