Feb 29, 2008

Dangerous Relationships - How To Spot an abusive Man

As my regular readers know I do not promote products on this site, but today I am making a rare exception; clicking on the title header above will bring you to a very important e-book collection about the nature of abusive men. The books were written by Sandra Brown, therapist and counselor who has worked in the field with abusive men, and studied the machinations of their minds as well as their tactical behaviors with women; the choosing, ensnaring and subsequent "breaking down" of the women that they have determined to be " good victims."

Shocking yes, but as you will read these men actually have self admitted modes of operandi; They look for women that have "markers"; low self esteem issues and other characteristics that betray her as good prey for the abuser's wants and needs of the moment.
It should be noted that the term abuse need not always apply to physical abuse, there is a good deal of emotional and psychic abuse within the framework of these relationships.

This three e-book collection is 47.00 dollars, which is steep for most of us and utterly
prohibitive for many others that need it the most; I for one would like the author to condense the 3 part series into one less expensive book, and thus make it more available to all women
But for now it is what it is, and it still may be the smartest 50 dollars that any woman can spend. I feel that This series should be a staple for every woman in this country. It needn't be read on just an "as needed" basis --. It should become a young woman's guide to the types of
man that they need to avoid at all costs. This kind of information and education is best amassed before we-or someone we love, runs into this type of predator, but can also be a lifesaving tool if already entangles with just such a man.

You will hear from some of these men's own mouths how they have developed a built in radar for women that simply put, make good "victims". This includes women with excessively kind and forgiving natures, Rescuers, care-takers, the type of woman that believes that there is good in everyone and that if a person does terrible things, then they must have been mistreated themselves somehow, to become that way. Unfortunately this kind of thinking
And just as importantly, become the type of woman that is a terrible candidate for the predator's wish list. This means; learn to love yourself, whatever it takes, continuously avail yourself of new learning.. you will become a force to reckon with.

. And for the healthy, good-intentioned men out there ; This series is an important gift for any woman in your life that you care about. We need your involvement as healthy and aware men in dealing with this type of predator that happens to be the same gender as you; remember he doesn't always appear to be a controlling bully or an abusive lummox, and this is the difficulty with psychopaths- they are often charming and enigmatic-at first-even with men, in the sense that they will try to befriend via flattery or feigned common interests, any man that they perceive as in their way, within the periphery of any woman that they are "after" at the moment; for example, the father or brother of the young woman that he wishes to "date" Watch that charm turn into ugly fury if the predator is blocked in some way from his target, by that same person; this is when one will typically see the true nature of this dangerous predator.
The only way to combat this type of man is to be very aware of who and what he is from the earliest possible moment that he makes contact with you or your loved ones, life.

For Once he gets his talons into a woman , a psychological and emotional syndrome is consciously set into motion, whereupon the woman comes to develop a sick symbiotic attachment to her abuser/user, in much the same way surviving kidnap victims sometimes do for their captors; Most of this based upon a ill placed gratitude that the captor has magnanimously "allowed" the captive to live, in effect purchasing that victims loyalty as well as sometimes, their desire and will to leave. This seemingly bizarre attachment is what's at the heart of the battered woman's syndrome, and experts have come to understand well the powerful forces that drive otherwise sane, intelligent women into staying with abusive men.

For many many years until quite recently many people, even policemen and justice professionals, mistakenly believed that due to the fact that the abused woman didn't leave
their abusive partner, indeed often behaved in bizarre behavior, such as refusing to testify against him or even bailing their attacker out of jail after an arrest, she must either
a) like the abuse or
b) provoke/ instigate the abuse, and .
c) in effect... deserve the abuse
Believe it or not This core belief system is still alive and well today within the construct and daily machinations of many court systems, This, as those systems are comprised of individuals-people, who are bound by their own personal prejudice and-ignorance or just plain apathy.
At the very heart of this is this grievous habit of others to place blame upon the victim of what are often physically brutal assault crimes, simply because the victim had been in some kind of relationship with her assailant at some point in time ie she knew him.

In no other area of violent crime would we ever think to blame the victim for crimes against them! And this blame, vocalized or not, is even more destructive to a victim of violence then the violence itself. If you consider that the type of woman who generally finds herself in an abusive relationship is typically suffering from low self esteem, she will often all too willingly enter that self blaming space that has been valiantly cleared for her by a helpful criminal judicial process. This is where her soul finally breaks upon itself and she is forever lost.
That is why understanding the patterns and cycles of abusive relationships, is so crucial and it must begin on an individual basis one by one until it becomes a social understanding.
Abusive Relationships - Dangerous Relationships - Domestic Violence - How To Spot A Dangerous Man

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